I Can, I Will... Just Watch Me

I call it, "Into The Mirror." I've named a book after the process I do, when I am feeling my heart and mind are no longer aligned. It is then, I need to bridge time. To look into the mirror and see the woman I use to be staring back at me, smiling at how far I've come. To see the woman I desire to be, looking into my eyes and with confidence encouraging me to continue on. 

Time comes together in that one instance as I stare into the mirror. It is when I take action and step inside, that I find the answers which I seek.

Two questions hide the answers within. "Why?" and "Will I?" Why do I feel this way? Will I choose to to take daily action to overcome and succeed? Stepping into the mirror and into the deep chambers of my mind, it is there I find the answers.

To answer the first question, would lead to answering the second.

"Why do I feel this way?" 

I almost quit writing. I wanted to quit writing. I was upset I was wanting to quit writing. Like two lovers realizing the spark was no longer there and it may be time to depart ways. Yet... still have a spark of love in hopes what love that once was shared could be reignited. I had to go deep into the mirror and find why.

It was when I was designing the next month's motivational and creative writing posts, the answer came. I had forgotten to love the art of writing. Like a neglected lover, my writing went into brat mode and refused to cooperate with me. We were at a standstill. If you could hear the conversation it would go something like this.

"You don't love me anymore!"

"Yes I do, can't you see how hard I work?"

"That's all you do! You never spend time with me! I need to read, I need to go hiking and take pictures. I need to spend time alone with just you and I, so I can share what I am feeling and you can then write it. But you never have time for me!"

Arms crossed, lips pouting, foot stomping, and a hard slam of the bedroom door. Oh yeah... I was in trouble.

I sighed... my writing was accurate. I was sleeping on the couch and being given the cold shoulder. 

To get back in sync, I had to gather my writing up and hold it in my arms, reassuring it, that I loved it and treasures it being in my life.

It was time I reminded the world, of my love. I sat down with a couple of my books and began to write my motivational and creative writing posts sharing their writings. Fittingly, I chose to books.

Into the Mirror

Driven...

The first, shares my processes of bridging time. The second is poetry of two lovers writing to each other and their fears, that in driving so hard, love has passed them by.

As post after post shared the words that flowed from my heart into these books, my love for writing was restored.

Why? I had answered the question of why I had the emotional response I had. I had driven myself so hard I had forgotten how to enjoy the process.

The next step was to answer, "Will I?" Will I take daily action to correct my behavior so I can succeed?" 

Yes... I am going to continue writing. I sat down and reviewed my business plan. I realized there were areas I needed to improve upon in order for me to succeed.

  1. My editing skills.
  2. My drawing skills - I have fiction WIP I would like to do the book covers for which will require me to draw my characters for the cover. 
  3. My marketing and sales skills.

Being a writer has many hats to wear. Now that I acknowledge areas I need to improve upon, it is up to me to take daily action to improve. As my fingers began to fly on the keyboard, in my mind I heard sobs... there I was, once again... driving myself hard. 

It was time to place on my business plan, time to take care of me. 

  1. Reading.
  2. Hiking and photographing.
  3. Getting back into drawing and painting.

No more excuses. It was time to remember how to enjoy life while on my journey to being a successful author. I commit to making sure those will be done on a weekly basis. And with that there came the final question.

The questions is...

Will I?

Well... you know what I am going to say...

I am the Blue Flame Warrior Woman and With Wings of Blue Flame extended I Rise Once More!

And if you don't understand that last sentence... read my books. 

And by the way... my writing has gotten over her pouting and is smiling. I believe there are many books that she has in store for me to write. 

Welcome to the world of my creative mind... let's just see what will unfold.

 

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